grieve first.

oh, friends. i've written four different versions of this newsletter, because there's so much that i want to say. i know that your attention is precious, that your energy might be limited, that if your inbox is anything like mine it's overflowing with calls to action and opportunities for service and reminders to show up.

i don't want to be more post-election noise or pressure in your inbox. i don't want to repeat something you've already heard or read dozens of times by now. but i also want to offer you reminders that might help you start to breathe, and remember yourself, and consider your next steps.

so what i will say is this: however you're feeling, whatever emotion you're drowning in, is legitimate. please be safe, please connect with loved ones, please take breaks from the internet, and please don't lash out at or place blame on people who are not the actual enemy.

jobs still demand our energy. communities still need us. small businesses are still trying to survive. queer people are still falling in love and getting married. trans kids are still showing us all what courage really looks like. disabled people are still begging y'all to wear a mask. books are still getting written. art is still being created. magic is still present. life still goes on. and the future is still ours to write.

yes, we've been here before, and yes, it's going to get worse. i know the helplessness in the air is palpable. but we still have a little time. don't preemptively limit yourself out of fear. don't follow rules that haven't even been written yet. don't obey in advance.

we fight this shit every step of the way — but it's much harder to fight if you haven't started with grief.

in a recent tiktok, liberation facilitator kristianna smith laid out a four-part framework for recovery and action: grieve, ground, imagine, and strategize. if you're spiraling and panicking, if you keep frantically wondering what you can do right now, take a breath and look inward first.

all week i've seen a lot of folks saying "i need today to grieve, and tomorrow i'm back to the fight." when grief is acute, it's impossible to ignore. but grief is not linear or quick. it's not five simple stages, not a checklist or a set timeline. it's not usually something that can be moved through in 24 to 48 hours. and it's likely not going to go away anytime soon, not with all that we're facing. which means that rather than scrambling back to your tasks or hastily committing yourself to actions you can't maintain, you need to start making a steady, regular companion of your grief.

what does your grief need to safely express itself? what shape does your grief take? how does it show up for you, and when does it show up for you? how can you tend it? how can you allow it to exist with dignity and truth, instead of denying its presence or trying to get it to just go away? how can you show your grief compassion? what soothes your grief? who sees your grief, and is willing to sit with you in it? what practices and rituals help you consistently visit your grief? what does it feel like to imagine your grief being with you on a more consistent basis? what might it feel like to spend a few moments with your grief, to witness it without trying to fix it?

i know these are hard questions. i know that grief is not comfortable. i know that action is a very good antidote to helplessness, and it might feel more urgent and "productive" to jump straight into movement. but i also know that ignoring grief means that it emerges as anger or rage, deep sorrow, depression and anxiety, exhaustion, illness, loneliness, hatred. i also know that dismissing grief denies us the chance to embrace our humanity, to acknowledge that things are deeply broken and difficult. i also know that avoiding grief limits our capacity to rely on others, that in sharing our emotions and needs we deepen intimacy and strengthen our capacity for vulnerability.

and ignoring our grief is a great way to burn out entirely. we need you for the long haul, friends, not just for right now.

as nicole cardoza writes, "mourning is a tool of resistance. use it." you don't have to finish grieving before you take action — but you do need to start grieving, to acknowledge how your grief is shaping and impacting you. grief work is also resilience work: it will only get more important.

as you're grieving, as you're grounding, as you're figuring out how you can best show up, pace yourself. spend time reflecting on how you feel right now, and write it all down: the grief, the fear, the anger, as well as the hopes, the dreams, the ambitions. pull some cards, in a spread or through a workbook or as part of an archetype practice, to remind you of your resources and strengths and the roles you fill beautifully. think critically about what you already have access to, and how you can share those things with folks who may need them. wear a face mask, and encourage those around you to do the same.

take your grief with you to protests, to community events, to your creative work, to your tarot readings. let it be a supportive companion instead of an internal enemy. recognize your grief as an important part of you, a driving force, a vulnerable and worthy aspect of self, and things will begin to shift.

and above all, remember that your unique magic, strengths, gifts, talents, imagination, and capacity are valuable. you're not like anyone else, and that's a feature, not a bug. we all must show up in the ways that we can show up consistently, and that will look different for all of us. don't let what you cannot do diminish what you can do.

if you're looking for support from the cards, i'll be sending out another email in a few days opening up year-ahead readings, a new card container for december, and a new journaling series for january — all designed to help you respect your grief, remember your strength, find your path forward, and connect with other tarot readers who share your values. i've also got a waitlist open for a longer grief container that i'm putting together, hopefully launching soon, and am cooking up a beautiful long-term support structure around creativity for next year too.

and if you're craving resources on taking action and showing up, for now or for later, start here:
-free e-books for the resistance from AK press
-tarot books for collective liberation CARD TALK podcast episode
-five things you can do right now from abortion, every day
-how to fight book bans and censorship from book riot
-the dos and don'ts of supporting your local library from literary hub
-find local mutual aid networks to get involved with
-find local mask blocs to support using the COVID action map
-moving from "who is going to save me?" to "what can i do?" from devon price
-find a family to support in palestine through queercrips love pal
-opt out of biometric theft, facial recognition tech, and data scraping
-support queer digital archiving efforts
-feel free to drop more in the comments!

sending y'all love, hope, safety, and the capacity for grieving fully. more soon.